By Horesia Nyawade

It’s 10 days to my 31st birthday and I’m nowhere near excited, as I usually am around this time of the year. My heart is so heavy. I have a warped view of who I am. I am feeling like a failure, an imposter - an idiot even. I’ve not always been like this though.

This morning I was reflecting on my energy around the same time last year. I was alive! I had so much hope and confidence. My future felt and looked bright - I was ready to give it my ALL. I did give it my ALL.

I went on to launch my coaching business. I created a signature fitness accountability program - fully ran on WhatsApp. I planned a whole wedding - my wedding! With all this momentum, I even wrote out a whole strategy for 2022. I thought of the different ways I was going to grow my ventures and get closer to my dreams.

In the meantime; other shit was also going down. I had a huge fall out with my family. In my quest to live my true and authentic life; I faced the worst and most hurtful forms of adversity. All of a sudden I was alone. Nobody wanted to associate with me. I was an embarrassment to them. I started doing the work. Navigating through my pain: therapy, podcasts, journals, yoga - meditation. I did them all. I still DO.

Anyway, here I am again. It just feels like the more progress I make, the weaker I get. It’s getting harder to get up again. It’s getting harder to keep fighting. I find myself praying for wins - big or small. One win to show that it is all worth it. One win to show that it will all pay off. One win to keep me going.

Yours in Wellness

@TiziTalks

About the Guest Writer: Horesia Nyawade is an Accountability Coach and Digital Visibility Strategist based in Johannesburg, South Africa. She supports high-performing individuals to achieve their goals, while maintaining a sustainable work life balance. In her spare time, she loves practicing yoga, baking and seasonal hiking. Follow her work here: Website Instagram Coaching

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